Single-icious

I cry at any wedding I go to. It doesn't matter how close I am to the bride or groom, or if I am considered "un-romantic" by some. I simply have a hard time holding it together. I don't know if the salty flood from the ducts correspond to the friendship I have with the bride or if i'm imagining my own wedding someday. If it's the latter, they're probably tears of hyperventilation. 

I attended and participated in a close friends' wedding recently. I'm being discreet because of what i am about to say next. I've had it with Beyonce's "Single Ladies" song during the bouquet toss. "All the single ladies, gather 'round for the bouquet toss," is what the DJ usually says, when really he or she is thinking "gather 'round so everyone knows who the Singles are and can feel sorry for you." Now, the girls with the boy friends that step out on the floor for the bouquet toss are really just thinking they're being nice in accompanying you out there because in their minds, they aren't single. They just act like they don't want to be engaged or married yet. 

But the clincher is the misuse of Beyonce's song. It's one of my favorites, but only when used to feel empowered because of your relationship status, and to make those who are still, newly, or always single feel "Bootylicious" 

Now i was feeling "something-licious" myself at this wedding. That is until i noticed the vultures circling the nice guys and girls who were obviously Single. I say obvious because they, actually we, inevitably are grabbing a piece of cake, or since i don't like cake (although sometimes i eat it because it looks good, but i always regret that because i honestly just don't like cake) i eat the alternative dessert. This is a defense mechanism in order to look alive while the vultures are hovering. 

Well, unfortunately, i must have been helplessly standing in line for a drink when the matchmakers simultaneously pull me and this unassuming guy towards each other and force us to meet. I have no idea if he knows what this "meeting" is...although who wouldn't? we were practically handcuffed together. I quickly rummage through my what-to-talk-about-when-really-you-just-want-to-get-out-of-there box and come up with a decent conversation. Our relationship lasts about six minutes and finally we are both Singles again.

The dinner part of the reception begins and the bridesmaids and groomsmen are corralled to the door for our big entrance. I vowed at another wedding this summer that I would never dance into a reception. Well joke's on me, because my escort, who has a strong resemblance to Mr. Bean, were next in line to "get jiggy wit it" behind our fellow men and maids, and make a bit of a fool of ourselves. I try to block out what dance i did...although i can still hear the LACK of cheering as I danced the corners (thank you Christine Arruda). 

Well this message is for fellow Singles. PUSH THROUGH! Seriously, enjoy the time you have with no major obligations, you can be selfish still and blame it on being single, you can hang out with guys and girls, even though i don't really believe in platonic relationships (still working through that one) You can make your own schedule. 

 You will regret the time you had wasted dwelling on what society says is lame, the Singles.  "Better move, cause we've arrived, Lookin' sexy, lookin' fly, Baddest chick, chick inside, I just don't think you are ready for this jelly." Are you ready for this?